I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
