I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
