You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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