So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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