Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
