i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
