lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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