We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
