Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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