He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
