A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
