My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
