I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
