dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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