do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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