Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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