i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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