OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
