you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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