I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
