I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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