he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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