Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
