that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
How naked do you want me to be?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
