i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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