Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
