Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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