I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
