So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So many bounce houses so little time
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
