omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
