When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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