ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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