I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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