Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
