Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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