so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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