the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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