Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
