It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
