i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Panties = found
Randomize
