What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
