4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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