That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just had sex on a roof
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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