Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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