Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
