her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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