2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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