My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
