I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
