Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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