okay pat passed out under dana's car
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
