Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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