Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
