I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
