So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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