We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize