Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
