Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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