Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Mom said you looked used
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
