I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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