I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize