Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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