My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
