Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
