I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
