babies were throwing up all over the place
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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