i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
