He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
