you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
