Grow some girl-balls and come out already
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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