We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
