I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
