Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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