didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
