Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
