out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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