worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
