And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
