Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
