so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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