he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
