Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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