You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
