I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
