Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
